Pets & Pajamas

Look, I’m a good dog. A really good dog. Almost every human I meet tells me so, so I know it’s gotta be true. I take my humans for walks. I do my business outside. I always bring back the ball when Dad loses it for whatever reason. I wake them up—heck, I even do it before their alarms go off, saving them the headache. 

I do all this for them and I don’t ask for much in return. A couple treats, a belly rub, maybe some wet food mixed in with the dry stuff every now and then. It’s a simple trade-off. To my humans’ credit, for the most part, they’re happy to oblige me. I get what I want… Mostly.

You see, there’s still one thing that I crave more than anything in the world. And it’s the one thing my humans still deprive me of: The couch. 

Oh, that wondrous couch! How I want to jump on you and snuggle up on those warm, plush cushions. It’s not a big ask, but for some reason I’m not allowed up there. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I haven’t tried. 

I made it up there for a full fifteen minutes once while Mom was in the kitchen. She came back and threw me off like I was some common stray! Then, she had the nerve to brush off my hair from the cushions! The disrespect! 

On this particular day, I was really thinking that this was finally going to be the time. Mom and Dad were having “date night,” which meant I was alone with the small one. The small one wasn’t really that small anymore. I’d tolerated her mostly when I was younger, but now she had much too much energy for my taste. She was so excited that Mom and Dad were trusting her to be home alone for the first time. I couldn’t care less, really. All I wanted was some nice alone time with the couch. 

But of course, as soon as they left, she plopped right down on the couch and turned on the flat box she called “the TV.” Normally, I enjoyed the noise from the moving picture box, but I was too upset. I tried to leave the room, but she grabbed me!

“Come on, boy, we’re going to have a slumber party!” she said. 

I struggled as she took me into her room, but it was no use, she was too strong. Before I knew it, she wrestled me onto her bed, and forced me into an old pair of her pajamas! After she changed into a nearly matching set, she held me up with her in the mirror.

“Twinsies!”

I hated twinsies. I had never been so humiliated in my entire life. She plopped me down on the rug in front of the couch and started the “TV.” I circled around for a moment and laid down on the rug. I hated the rug! It was scratchy and cold. And these pajamas were too tight! What a miserable night this was turning out to be. 

I looked back up at the small one on the couch. Look at her up there, all smug and comfortable. She doesn’t know how good she has it! She glanced down at me and smiled. 

Wait a minute, I thought to myself. The small one thinks I’m cute, especially with these ridiculous pajamas of hers I’m wearing! Maybe I could use this to my advantage. It was a crazy idea, but maybe it was just crazy enough to work. 

I summoned all the bravery I had in me and jumped up onto the couch!

“Hey!” cried out the small one. “You’re not supposed to be up here.”

This is it, I thought to myself. My one chance. Time to crank the cuteness up to one hundred. I shook my head, flopping my ears. Then I gave the small one my best, most spectacular, cute puppy dog eyes I could. 

“Awww,” she said.

It was working! Time to seal the deal! I leaned in and went for the kisses. I licked the small one up and down her face. She giggled. Surprisingly, I found myself enjoying it too. 

“Okay, you can stay, you can stay. Just get off me,” she said through the giggles.

The small one patted the cushion next to her. This was it! I’d won. As fast as I could, I flopped down on that cushion. It. Was. Fantastic! As I let my furry body sink deeper into the heavenly cushions, the small one reached down and scratched behind my ears. 

Oh yes, I could get used to this. Maybe slumber parties weren’t such a bad idea after all.